Coffee, Tea, Difficulty

August 1st will soon be here; I’ve too much to do and too little time, not a single coffee bean in the house, no wine and not even one drop of whiskey. All I have is a box of green tea, which is far too unhealthy for me to think of consuming. Yes, I actually mean that. Green tea is very high in fluoride, much, much higher than most municipal water sources, and fluoride is poisonous to the thyroid. It also has an effect on the skeletal structure, causing osteoporosis, but, frankly, I’m more worried about my thyroid at this point. It literally replaces iodine in the body, so no green tea for me.

By the way, some people say that coffee is bad for the endocrine system, and they are right. However, it has more antioxidants than green tea, and I believe I would have to drink more than one or two cups a day to overstimulate my hormones. Perhaps I should just admit that I prefer the taste of coffee, which I happen to be out of, to the bitter flavor of green tea, of which I have a whole box (of course I’m worried about my thyroid, though, I swear!)

In any case, with or without coffee, I had an unexpected research problem occur. Let me just admit right now that I’m lazy. On the other hand, I’m determined, and determination trumps laziness any day. So, for the record, I’ve gone to some great lengths to conduct research. When I was writing mysteries, I interviewed a P.I. and the local chief of police. I went to a conference designated for EMS, police, nurses, coroners, etc.that was all about crime scene protocol. I even went on a date with my husband to a cadaver lab–yes, it’s true; it was for a class he was taking as an EMT. Afterward, he took me out for dinner, but the delicious food was somehow ruined due to my allergy to formaldehyde. Once I smell it, the fumes somehow sit in my nasal passages and cause me constant nausea, even after I’m not exposed to them any longer.

I don’t, however, generally expect to have to conduct research on parts of the world that I’ve already experienced. So, imagine my surprise when I realized that I had no clue as to how a couple gets married in the state of Oregon. Those of you who know me are laughing because A. I’m married and B. my husband and I were married in Oregon. You know how it is, though. Young lovers pay attention to nothing but each other. I realized I had to backtrack and determine whether the wedding scene I had written is actually realistic. Well, it isn’t, and I had to find a way to work around it. You see, there’s this little something called a waiting period in Oregon, and my couple literally needs to get married immediately after buying the license.

No coffee, formaldehyde, bad marriage laws–these are the hurdles we writers must face. It’s a hard job, but somebody’s got to do it, if only so that the glut of books on the market can continue to fill bookstores, super markets, and bedside tables.

p.s. Do you think I should keep adding more and more accordions just to make certain everybody knows how much I truly love them?


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