Today I Answer Reader Questions*

Biggles’ question (that’s almost certainly a fake name, but I’ll let it pass) : What is the most annoying song you’ve heard recently, and why? My answer: Biggles, that’s a toss-up between Lily Licks a Lolly and The Gummy Bear Song. And don’t try to convince me that the Gummy sings better in Japanese. I don’t care. After an extensive e-mail debate, the same reader wants to know if there’s a mime version of the Gummy Bear Song. My answer: I hope not.

Why are these songs annoying? Lily Licks a Lolly is highly disturbing. Grown women jumping around and licking enormous lolly pops while wearing Dorothy in Oz dresses and bows are clearly in need of counseling. Full-grown adult males who love this sort of thing also need counseling. Yes, I have a male friend who’s in love with either Lily or Lolly–I’m not sure which. As for the other song, green gummy bears who shake their jelly tushes for the camera are in need of squashing. Splat!

Arya’s question: What do you think of Pavlovian responses? My answer: When I see cavorting green gummy bears, I splat them. No thinking required. To be honest, I don’t think a lot about Pavlovian responses for the very reason responses are Pavlovian. And I am a salivating dog–salivating for a fight with green gummy bears. Or the full-grown male who spends his days watching Lily licking lollies on You Tube.

Molly’s question: Do you approve of finding game cheats on the internet? My answer: Molly, I approve of winning at any cost. If game cheats are the only way of doing that, I say, carry on with them. A couple of years ago, I was completely stymied while playing a Nancy Drew interactive mystery game. Nancy Drew, as we all know, is a detective, as well as a heroine. What would a good detective do, anyway? She would look up cheats and crack the codes. Solving the mystery is the higher good. Agreed?

Robin’s question: On a scale of one to ten, how do you rate Bollywood dancing? My answer: Robin, I would rate Bollywood dancing at a 10/10, but ratings depend on criteria. My criteria for dancing involves these sorts of questions, which I always ask myself when purveying dance shows: Do the dancers use colorful scarves and wear bright costumes? Do they dance to a staccato beat? Do they dance while wearing whimsical expressions on their faces? Does the dancing inspire words of pure happiness to spring to the lips of audience members? Can the songs and dances be applied to other ethnic models, such as Jane Austen or Michael Jackson?

Eddie’s question: What do you think of the declining value of astronomers in our society? My answer: Eddie, this is a particularly ambiguous question. Do they pay less taxes than they used to? Are their wages less than what they used to be? Or do we, as a society, value their profession less than we did, say, during the Enlightenment? If the last question, then the answer will be found in the stars. The stars have guided mankind for thousands of years. Why do we need astronomers when we can read our daily horoscopes on Facebook?

*These were questions I fielded on another social media site. Notice I’m not owning up to which one. Ahem. If you have any questions for me, please ask them in the comment section below. Thank you to all participants. As you can see, almost no question is beneath me, unless the questioner asks my opinion on curtains or edible clothing (I discarded those questions–sorry. I do have my limits.)

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17 comments

  1. Admit it: a line of edible curtain clothing would be like Sound of Music but oh, so much better!!! Perhaps we could do a Bollywood version!

  2. How about a Gummy bear video that includes brightly colored scarves, Bollywood dancing, and singing in Indian languages.Would that make it better for you?

    Arya

  3. I will post a series of quick either/or questions, which I hope will be of interest to your readership (please provide a brief explanation):

    1) Which do you prefer: Amanda Hocking or JK Rowling?
    2) Which is better: Pavlov or his dog?
    3) Do you prefer Sense or Sensiblity?
    4) Which is your favorite quick read: Bonnet Romance or Amish Vampire romance?
    6) Which would you rather lose first: your hair or your teeth?

  4. Anon: Of course it's the best song ever. Sigh.

    Joel: Really? Edible curtain clothing? I'd like to try that.

    Arya: I'm afraid I'd have to squash that bear, too. Sorry.

    Joel (again): 3)The dog, who was probably conducting his own psychological study on humans–the canine-humanoid response technique.

  5. Christa: 1)Pick a plain template, or learn some html techniques, so you don't have to have hummingbirds, etc., on your blog (unless, of course you like them).

    2) Decide on your blog's purpose ahead of time, or you will end up w/ a blog like mine whose content is all over the place!

    3)Then plan to post regularly on the same days every week. Starting w/ two days a week is good for a start because it prevents burnout.

    4)Find similar blogs to follow and comment on others' posts.

    Phew. That was a lot. I'm not an incredibly successful blogger–those who are post consistently great content and visit and comment on numerous other blogs.

  6. Anon, thanks very much. I'm slightly suspicious that you're related to me or a good friend, because, who else would think this weirdness the best ever? 😉

  7. Thank you for warning me of the evils of said lollypop song. It gives me great relief to know I have someone like you looking out for my welfare.

    Question would you rather live with your parents or next door to your in-laws?

  8. Tana: I have to admit the truth: I get along w/ my in laws and my parents and have lived w/ both of them at times in my married life, and currently live next to my parents. In a few months, I will also live next door to my mom-in-law (so I'll live next door to both). I have to say, I'll take living next door to both, rather than living in the same house with any of them! Is that an option? 🙂

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