I feel very tired. I feel this way because I stare at a computer screen all day, sometimes multiple screens. I blog, I conduct research, I read news, I write books. Do you know what I used to do? I used to visit college libraries for research. I used to read the news in the paper, or listen to it on the radio. For a researcher, the internet is the best collation of good-bad-indifferent sources. I love my technology, but sometimes I wonder if it’s entirely beneficial to me as a human.
Sometimes I long for what I’ve lost–hearing actual voices and speaking to actual humans. Sometimes, I want to sit on the porch with my husband and watch the lights of the distant city wink through the atmosphere. But I know it’s too late to go backward. Yes, I can sit on the porch tonight, and maybe every night after this until I die. However, my eyes have transformed into screens, my thoughts into strings of codes and words. I’m not a machine, I remind myself, not a machine. And that isn’t even true. Technology has simply taught me who I always was–a robot longing to be human, rather than a human longing for technology. This robot needs to discover the soul button and push–the heart button that pulses as if it were real.
And honestly, all I really desire is to understand human behavior: their quirks, what makes them tick. Do you know where I might purchase an emotion chip so that emotive data will integrate with my system? Do you?