I’m Throwing In the Wet Towel of Absurdity

Caged orangutan being creative.

Caged orangutan being creative.

It used to be that I wrote absurdist posts in order to cope with my frustrations. My Planet Sardon posts are prime examples of diverting frustrations. But I can’t compete with reality. Today, I read news articles online; I read Wired.com; I flipped through the latest issue of Scientific American. And I realized I’d been defeated before I ever began. Everything I read cried out with absurdity. Are we at a crossroads in human history, in which we have officially entered an alternate dimension?

The articles I read on Wired included one on how we should fix health care with design elements. My Sardonians would never have thought of that! That would never have crossed my mind or theirs–that one could fix a broken system by giving it new and beautiful design elements. My mind is reeling. I’m simply not creative enough, I guess. Perhaps this is owing to my refusal to spend quality time meditating, as I learned from this article on Enlightenment Engineering. I used to be under the impression that the most creative inventors in history worked hard and rarely slept and, then, under this mental duress, fell dizzily into half sleep, which is a special mental space–not unlike meditation–that creates eureka moments. However, my understanding was that this special mental space sprang from sudden silence after the mental duress, and not from the mental relaxation itself–a kind of mental trickery. According to this new fad, wherein Google employees meditate to cope with their emotional spaces, deep thinking and breathing are the inspirators of how to do what they do, such as spy on Americans, more creatively. Where have I gone wrong in my thinking? No wonder I struggle with creativity! Rather than an inventor, I’ve instead become a melancholic caged monkey, which I learned all about from these sad photos of captive animal melancholy.

I’m a caged animal, looking out at the world and feeling melancholy because I view myself as an observer. But, as it turns out, I was the one being observed all along. It is rather a disconcerting moment to be living in. Cage-boxing isn’t all it was cracked up to be. When I throw my towel down, everybody just laughs at the good sport. A tiny thread of hope crept back in my poor brain when I learned from Wiki, the source of all information, that caged orangutans are known for being creative, and not just melancholic. As demonstrated in the image above, the orangutan has ingeniously discovered that a plastic tub can be used as a stylish hat. Go orangutan! And this without the slightest hint of either mental exertion OR deep, introspective meditation.

**As I promised on my facebook page, the first person who writes me a really absurd comment on this post will win a free copy of my book (either epub or mobi). Why am I doing this? I’m running off of no sleep and have mountains of tedious work to plow through. I need goofiness. And you might be the person for the job.



  1. As a person who was recently hospitalised I can assure you that my worries about my life-threatening illness would evaporate if there were only orange and lime green isocoles triangles hanging around the ER artfully.

  2. Maybe I should try to be creative again. All I do lately is work and scheme. Yesterday, I started an exercise regimen called “Insanity.” I’m a slave, but I’ve enslaved myself. In the past, I always protected my mind from slavery and allowed it to think and pursue whatever it wanted. I wonder if it’s possible for someone to enslave his mind and have his mind enjoy it.

  3. When I let my mind run free, my body tended to follow suit. Now that I’ve enslaved my mind, I’m literally stuck in the Midwest.

    1. Stuck in the Midwest, huh? That must be your biggest problem. 😉 What do you create when you’re creative? Yes, I think a lot of people enjoy slavery because it’s a safe way to live. Depending on your personality, enslaving your mind might ultimately be very harmful or very helpful. I say that because a hedonistic person may very well need to learn intense focus, but somebody who is already too uptight might further fall into insanity.
      p.s. I did a course of Insanity once with my husband. I hated it. Although I’m obsessed with exercise, I prefer milder routines.

  4. This cow I saw was apparently a little rowdy and liked to jump barbed wire fences with a full udder. One time she tore a couple small holes in her udder on a barb and milk would squirt out when the calf or the milking machine was on the teats. The dog and dozens of cats would gather when Benny, the farm kid, went to milk her and they would lap at the udder and the milk on the ground.

  5. I joined an Internet forum to learn about women. I wanted to try being dominant and dismissive. When a girl doubted a game concept of not complimentibg “realy attractive girls” because she said she always liked getting compliments and was attracted to men who complimented her I told her she probably wasn’t a “really attractive girl.” She said I had mastered the technique and how is it working for me. I said sorry I’m not interested in ugly girls. She cried out and some other women joined in and some Italian guy took me to task for not being respectful. I ignored them all and didn’t write anything more. I asked in a different thread what kind of gun excites women most. Which based on the responses appears to be mid sized handguns. I told a story about a time I threw an old girlfriend in a pile of leaves and stuffed leaves on her shirt and she told me she alternately wanted to punch me in the face and attack me with kisses. I speculated women don’t want respect from men. There was silence for a long time then a 49 year old woman told me she loved me. I started flirting with her for fun. Then a bunch of people coalesced against me. I was able to crush all my opponents. They got the last laugh though because it turned out the 49 year old woman was a transsexual man who frequented the forum. So I made a proud show then left in a wak of shame. That girl I called ugly though followed me around the forum after I called her ugly and then sent me a message after I left to tell me she’s definitely better looking than average, definitely not attracted to me and is very happy with her current boyfriend who is an italian and wants to beat me up for calling her ugly. So I said Italians are pussies which seemed to delight her and gave her a couple innocuous compliments which didn’t seem to delight her at all. So long story short I guess I did learn something.

  6. I don’t know if those qualify as absurd. When I’m creative I like to plant verbal seeds that germinate quickly into something other than what originally appeared to be, usually for humor. I like to creatively communicate things physically without speaking. I used to write poems. I created a game called tic tac toe ex oh when I was playing tic tac toe with my friends kid. It’s like tic tac toe but both players have Xs and Os and can win by lining up either Xs or Os. I think if I’m going insane it’s from lack of human contact and not from hyper focus or hedonism. Because when I let my mind run I wasn’t a hedonist in the classic sense. I was more just a vagabond. Unless that’s the worst kind of hedonist, the kind that does whatever he wants but doesn’t really enjoy it all that much

  7. I see my comments are now moderated. I honestly didn’t want to cause that. I apologize if I might have caused scandal. I’ve been mostly awake on an oilfield location working for about 24 hours now and I’m trying to type on an iphone. I’ll be going till midnight probably. Sorry again. Please don’t approve this comment. It’s just a personal apology

    1. Dan, your comments aren’t being moderated. Sorry! If there’s a link, it will automatically throw it in moderation. I left it set that way because a couple of years ago, I was getting about 20,000 spam comments a month.

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