To Close Up Shop…Or Not?

photo courtesy of Joel, who literally got himself stuck in the mud.

Photo courtesy of Joel, who literally got himself stuck in the mud.

I’ve stopped blogging in the past. In fact, I went off social media almost completely for several months two years ago, during which time I reassessed my life. This is different, though. I’m not in reassessment mode so much as I’m in a frame of mind that has no patience for being stuck in a rut. I’m not depressed, not feeling down–I haven’t even sunk into my usual nihilist cave. On the contrary, I’m hopeful and positive. Because of that, I want to spend my time accomplishing valuable tasks.

Why don’t I consider this valuable? In approximately five years of blogging, my stats haven’t changed. They’ve gone down cyclically (in a down-turn right now), but my reach has never improved. Aside from a few people, I’m writing for myself, just as I was doing when I began. The few people change over the years, and that is all. I don’t need to write for myself on the internet. If I wanted to–which I don’t–I could write my long, obscure drivel in a journal. But no, I no longer want to waste my time. I would rather be the person who runs alongside or even splashes directly in the winding river than the one whose tires are spinning in the mud on the bank.

What could I do if I didn’t blog? I could play my accordion. I could have a beauty shop date with one of my daughters. I could do a lot of thing I’m not doing. As astonishing as it sounds, I’m in the mood to set myself free. It would be a big step to take, though, because of the blood sweat and tears I’ve poured into this site over the years. It’s so hard to let go. That is, by the way, why I self-published Anna and the Dragon. I couldn’t let go, even though my life was changing directions and nary an agent or editor had shown interest in it. I couldn’t let go.

I want to let go, but I don’t know how.

In any case, I haven’t made up my mind yet. It has occurred to me that I could up the excitement factor by making video blogs or switching entirely to Memoirs of a Nineties Coffee Girl. My memoirs have the highest average readership. I’m going to think about this and will report back to my handful of readers in a few days.


One comment

  1. I have blog fatigue, both in the writing and the reading. My Feedly is full of unopened reads. I realized several aspects of my life were suffering because of writing. (Or I was allowing them to suffer.) Bible reading, my health, my family. So, meh. I dunno. I hear ya. I think I’m going to go the vlogging route for a while. Less editing. Less proofing. It pretty much all comes down to time and my current lack of it.

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