Dumb Starbucks

Idiocracy is the best, most sweepingly epic movie of our desperate times. Mike Judge has demonstrated his skills as a Swiftian prophet on more than one occasion, but thus far, Idiocracy is his masterwork.

When I watched the movie for the first time, I scratched my head and thought to myself, “Huh. This is supposed to take place 500 years in the future? Isn’t this the world today?” I’ve been accused of being a snot in the past. Just last week, a random Christian guy on a thread told me I needed to repent of the sin of pride. Well, okay, I’ll try not to be a snot if Americans try to stop vying for membership in the Cult of Stupidity. For membership in the Cult of Stupidity, one doesn’t need a low IQ. I, in fact, as a member of Densa (the low IQ society), have been banned from said cult. I’ve been banned because the one rule for entrance is one I won’t follow: Be intentionally stupid. Be as intentionally stupid as possible. And be proud of it. Yes, that IS one rule; the other two are specialized supporting tenants.

I had the hankering to watch Idiocracy yesterday and, even though it was about the fifth time I’d viewed this prophetic work, I was no less startled with the utter mirth of it. In fact, owing to my sinful pride, the film inspired me to once again offer a Brawndo to the next person who mocked me for using multisyllabic words, otherwise known as “talking like a fag.” Wanna Brawndo? It’s got electrolytes. Hey, did you see “Ow, My Balls!” last night?

Not surprisingly, after I’d sated my Idiocracy lobe, I discovered that somebody had opened up a store called Dumb Starbucks. Idiocracy mocks several franchises throughout the film–Starbucks is one of them. I wondered if the genius behind Dumb Starbucks really is as dumb as he sounds, or if he’s cracking some ironic post-Idiocracy joke? It’s hard to tell. If Gentlemen’s Lattes are on the menu, I won’t be surprised.

You be the judge:


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